Devit (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
halfcocked) wrote2008-05-30 11:46 am
halfcocked) wrote2008-05-30 11:46 am
Entry tags:
we get together, oh, we get together
JASDERO ESSAYED and I said I'd essay back. And also I meant to anyway. Because in the previous essay (you know, this one) I did not really touch on the subject of Jasdero much! Which is insanity because WOW is Jasdero ever important. But it's an essay unto itself and we didn't have one yet and I didn't want to make THAT one twice as long by throwing all the Jasdevi stuff into it too.
I know no one wants another damn essay but well I DO and there's just no way to get around essaying on the Most Important Relationship Evar so. |D HERE YOU HAVE IT.
This is gonna be long, whups.
Okay, first. Here's something I said in the headcanon post of random wrt Jasdero not being in camp, which he wasn't at the time:
Physically, in the visceral, "we are one person" sense, he can never get any more used to it than he is, and he can feel it constantly and has made himself sick crying over it more than once. But in the interpersonal "we are two people" sense he's learning how to function without always having Jasdero around and has occasionally even been grateful for Jasdero's social absence. These two senses are absolutely separate things.
I COULD ALMOST END THE ESSAY HERE, but that wouldn't be any fun! This is really the crux of the entire thing. Devit is of two minds about almost everything. This is a function of a couple of things: he is both a human and a Noah, and he is both Devit and Jasdevi. He has a lot of conflicting feelings because of this! He hates humans but he also wants their approval. He's a part of the Earl's plans/the fight against the Exorcists but he's also not terribly interested in them. The scales tip back and forth constantly, but both of these feelings on everything are always present, they always coexist within his mind. Sometimes Devit feels more "Noah" than others. IT DEPENDS ON HIS MOOD. Feeling more Noah . . . also means feeling more Jasdevi and less Devit.
Jasdero is no different. Devit thinks of Jasdero in two different senses. Neither of these senses can ever interfere with the other. That's important! Nothing that happens between them in the "Two People" sense can ever damage the "One Person" sense, unless it was a rift huge enough that they could no longer--be Jasdevi, which I'm not sure is even possible (in other words, they are so conflicted that the Jasdevi body literally cannot hold itself together for some reason). They can always bicker or hide things from one another or whatever else, but none of that can ever make them into two separate Noahs as opposed to one.
SO, ABOUT THOSE TWO SENSES.
I. We Are One
Devit + Jasdero are one Noah and one being, full stop. They're not complete without each other. Their bond can never be broken. I'm not convinced that they would survive it if it were. I know that if Jasdero died, Devit would commit suicide immediately. He could survive Jasdero leaving camp, but only because of those initial three weeks before we got a Jasdero in. If it hadn't worked out that way he probably would have attempted suicide if Jasdero ever left, too. They need one another.
Jasdero is always and absolutely the most important thing to Devit, no matter what, in this sense. People can't come between them! The Bonds are too strong for that. It's an emotional thing and a mental thing and a physical thing. They can't use their powers when they're apart, of course, and equally importantly, they're just . . . not complete! IN THIS SENSE, Devit is not a BEING in and of himself. He can't read Jasdero's mind, but he can "feel" Jasdero, and in every instant he knows whether he's around or not. Not having Jasdero makes him feel sick and manic and depressed and empty all at once. In camp he was a bit more unhinged and easily frustrated before Jasdero got here! Because when he's alone, and I mean this in an "alone in camp" sense and not an "alone for half an hour while Jasdero is asleep" sense, he knows that he's incomplete, he can feel the powerlessness and loneliness and emptiness inside himself and it makes him want to cry and hurt things. :(
In this sense, Devit and Jasdero are equal, and Devit looks upon and treats Jasdero as an equal. He never ever thinks of himself as like "the dominant half of Jasdevi" even though I think it's true to an extent (Jasdevi acts more like Devit with Jasdero influence than Jasdero with Devit influence, IMO, but this is just me!). There IS no "who is stronger" or "who is going to lead this fight" or anything, they're equal halves and Jasdero is as important to Devit as Devit is to himself.
When Devit uses "we" a lot in a thread, he is in this mode. WE are going to kill you. WE own you, you're OUR prey, WE are awesome, WE are powerful, WE make the best things ever, WE don't like you, WE want you to be ours. He's referring to Jasdevi as one being--which they are! Even if it's a decision Devit's made himself, if it's a more NOAH-ISH type of feeling, or if it has something to do with fighting or their powers? It applies to Jasdevi as a whole, even if Jasdero doesn't know about it yet, because they're ONE and of COURSE Jasdero agrees, there's no disagreeing, they're one Noah and if one of them wants prey then both of them want prey.
AN EASY WAY TO TELL WHEN DEVIT IS HAVING CONFUSING FEELINGS is when he slips up in the middle of a comment. Jasdevi is taking your slave from you because we only accept the best slaves and I want him. . . . Whoops! Sometimes he will catch that and sometimes he won't. But it always means that he is edging out of Jasdevi territory and into Devit territory, whether or not he means to or wants anyone to know it (PROTIP: HE DOESN'T).
Why the conflict--why would it ever come up at all? Because Devit is of two minds about everything, and they're not . . . only Jasdevi. They're also Devit and Jasdero, which gets complicated.
II. We Are Two
Like I said, nothing can ever interfere with the fact that they're the Bonds and are the most important thing to one another, and nothing can ever come between them. They're not ever going to get LESS JASDEVI. If Jasdero leaves camp, Devit is still going to feel empty and sick and powerless and crazydepressed, no matter what happens between them, because it's physical, it's in his soul and his mind.
But obviously, they're also two people, and they're not the same two people. They have a lot in common, having been one person once upon a time, but their personalities are pretty damn discrete. They don't think alike or talk alike or look alike. So while they're ONE! PERSON! there's also this undeniable fact that they are, in a WAY, just two people who hang out together constantly both by choice and necessity.
Necessity first: I said that the One Person/Two Person things can never interfere with each other, and that's true, but they do affect each other in some ways. Most importantly, the fact that they're bonded the way they are means that they can never really choose to leave one another. And that's a hell of a safety net. Neither of them ever really has to worry about being OMG ALONE because they never, ever will be! They'll always have each other. This has had a huge effect on how they interact socially, like I've mentioned before. When you have absolutely unconditional love and companionship to fall back on, you can fool yourself into thinking you don't need anyone else, which makes it easy to dig yourself into a social hole of I'M GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND FUCK YOU, I HAVE JASDERO, WHO NEEDS YOU? This has been going on between the two of them for . . . ever.
Is it true? No, it's not. And Devit is beginning to realize this, in this Two-Person sense. In the One-Person sense he's very resistant to this idea. JASDEVI ONLY NEEDS JASDEVI, period. But yes, he was in camp alone for three weeks, and although the Bond itself hasn't changed in the slightest and never will . . . he had to survive those three weeks and "live half a life," as Ticky put it. With a lot of other people around and no Jasdero, for the first time in Devit's whole life. It was a new experience! And there are some obvious truths that started sort of surfacing during that time.
What Devit's realizing is that he has needs that Jasdero can't meet. I CANNOT SPEAK FOR JASDERO HERE. But I think Jasdero has fewer of those than Devit does. Jasdero's more childlike (though as she pointed out, not necessarily more immature) and he needs things like . . . comfort, company, backup, someone to confide in, someone to answer his questions, someone to play with! Devit has these same needs, but like. The way I always think of it is that both Devit and Jasdero are immature. But Jasdero is immature in a "child" way and Devit is immature in a "teenager" way. And I think this is deliberate symbolism on Hoshino's part as well. But anyway, a teenager can, to an extent, meet a child's needs, but a child cannot meet all of a teenager's needs. Devit can get comfort, company, backup, and such from Jasdero. BUT TRY TO IMAGINE, LIKE, a 16-year-old girl dishing on the phone about hot guys to a 7-year-old girl, and that's a pretty good mental image of why exactly it is that Devit's social needs are not entirely met by Jasdero. XD (On the other hand, imagine the 7-year-old talking to her 16-year-old babysitter about how much her little brother pisses her off, and it works just fine . . . it's easier for Devit to meet Jasdero's needs than for Jasdero to meet Devit's.)
And the DOUBLE WHAMMY is this: Devit and Jasdero are BOTH too similar AND too different to really be "buddies." They're very similar in that, well, they're the same Noah! They feel the same urges wrt the Bonds, they have a lot of the same complexes, they've been TOGETHER FOREVAR so they have a wealth of shared experience. They think in the same way sometimes. So sure they have a lot to discuss, but there are also certain types of interaction that you can only get from someone who isn't just like you. Learning about another person is extremely gratifying! And on the other hand, the aspects of Devit and Jasdero that ARE different are TOO different to lend itself to that kind of thing either. They operate on different mental levels in a really basic sense. I think that space that exists between "too similar" and "too different" is the space that "friends" occupy, and that's why Devit and Jasdero aren't really . . . "friends." And Devit wants friends.
All of that isn't to say that Devit doesn't enjoy Jasdero's company. On the contrary! He needs Jasdero's company. Jasdero is like this safe haven of unconditional comfort and love that Devit wouldn't give up for anything in the world, and I mean this even in the Two-Person sense; even if they're not friends per se, Devit would never put a friend or lover or anything else before Jasdero, not in the long run. Would he ever sneak out of the cabin alone for an hour to talk to a friend of his and then lie about it to Jasdero? SURE. But would he ever leave CAMP with a friend and leave Jasdero behind? No. He probably wouldn't even spend the NIGHT with a friend without dragging Jasdero along.
But anyway! If they're not friends, what are they? Wellll, it's complicated, and it kind of ties into how Devit . . . IS about telling Jasdero things and forming relationships, and why he hasn't been entirely forthcoming about some of his feelings.
III. Devit's Relationships Double Standard
There are things that Devit is REALLY NOT COMFORTABLE discussing with Jasdero! First and foremost on this list: sex! I know you all like this part of the essay best!
Devit doesn't think of Jasdero in any specific way other than as "Jasdero," because there is no category that fits what they are. But in practice, from Devit's point of view, Jasdero is almost like . . . Self/Wife/Little Brother. All combined. "Wife" in a 100% chaste way, but it's there, yes. So when Devit is like "o lol hotguy girl no yeah guy," this is not information he's going to volunteer, because it's wrong on multiple levels. In one sense he feels like it's a huge betrayal of his Jasdero-wife because . . . they're together, they've always been together, they don't need anyone else, I wasn't looking at him honey I swear it! And in another sense he feels like it's just not appropriate to talk about with his Jasdero-littlebrother because--it's NOT. XD It's like if you come across a condom in your little brother's wallet. AHHHHH! NO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SO YOUNG AND INNOCENT! You're not supposed to KNOW about that and so I'm sure as hell not going to bring it up as a topic of conversation! He doesn't think Jasdero would uh, get it anyway, and if he did that's just wrong. :(
This can be frustrating, of course. :(
That same mindset is the reason why he's sort of hyper-protective of Jasdero when it comes to that kind of thing--and just to relationships in general, even friendships. It's why he would totally kill Haru dead if Haru ever tried to stick a hand down Jasdero's pants or something; there's this massive TRIPLE WHAMMY of "That's ME/my wife/my innocent sexless little brother you're fucking around with, DIE!" He wants to shelter and protect Jasdero because that's how things should be, Jasdevi should take care of each other, but mostly Devit should take care of Jasdero. That includes sheltering Jasdero from Devit, from his complicated feelings and betrayaaaaaaaallll (even though no real betrayal has occurred).
Devit doesn't apply the same standards to himself, though. Earlier I said that in the One-Person sense, he considers himself and Jasdero to be absolutely equal. In the Two-Person sense, though, he's well aware that he's more socially and sexually evolved, sometimes annoyingly so! He doesn't feel like he needs to be taken care of or worried about relationship-wise, and his occasional feelings of "I'M BETRAYING JASDERO" are just that--occasional. They tend to come up only in conversation WITH Jasdero or else when someone is throwing them in his face (HI YUUKO). If he's off dicking around with someone he likes, he tends not to stop and go "Is this really okay?" Of COURSE it's okay, because they're Jasdevi, but he's Devit and he's having fun and he needs it! But if it's Jasdero doing the same, Devit is . . . it's not that he's jealous, but he wants to know. It's only right that he know! Because Jasdero needs his protection. :/ And then if Jasdero wants to know why they're not killing Mika yet, w-well uhhhhh, well, it's, don't WORRY about it Jasdero, we will eventually, you don't need to know every little thing, I'm just not in the MOOD . . .
Yeah, it makes him guilty sometimes, depending on his mood. It also makes him a little bit paranoid about certain things, specifically combining into Jasdevi. THIS IS MY HEADCANON, Jasdero may disagree! But because the twins share a mind as Jasdevi, my assumption is that doing the combination thing results in a sort of . . . reset of the equality of the Bonds. Not that Devit's feelings will lessen or go away after they combine and split again, but that Jasdero will have been exposed to all of them in that time, and Devit will have felt all of Jasdero's feelings, and it's a total loss of privacy but it also strengthens the bond again because there can be no hiding from one another at that point. Right now Devit is both terrified of this and desperate to do it. Desperate because it'll be a load of stress off his back to have Jasdero see his feelings without him actually having to broach weird subjects. And terrified because some of these feelings are secret and/or blatantly sexual and he doesn't want to deal with that.
IT'S COMPLICATED.
That's it, that's the whole essay right there. "IT'S COMPLICATED." I should have just said that and been done with it, god. T^T
QUESTIONS/COMMENTS/MAKE ME ESSAY MOAR?!
~omake~
<Devit> Mika and I were saying that Shigure should teach him
<Shigure> ... Jasdero?
<Devit> Yes 8D
<Shigure> ... he'd find EDUCATIONAL videos for him
<Shigure> "SO THIS IS PUBERTY"
<Devit> God it needs to happen somehow in camp s-so awful
<Devit> HAHAHAH
<Devit> It's horrible because like
<Devit> ONCE HE DID LEARN, okay
<Devit> He would be totally inappropriate about it
<Devit> because he doesn't know better
<Shigure> ...
<Devit> "Hey Jasdero I'll be back in five" "OH DEVIT ARE YOU GOING TO GET OFF"
* Shigure goes dig around youtube
<Devit> "OH MY GOD SHUT UP"
* Devit 's liiiiiife
I know no one wants another damn essay but well I DO and there's just no way to get around essaying on the Most Important Relationship Evar so. |D HERE YOU HAVE IT.
This is gonna be long, whups.
Okay, first. Here's something I said in the headcanon post of random wrt Jasdero not being in camp, which he wasn't at the time:
Physically, in the visceral, "we are one person" sense, he can never get any more used to it than he is, and he can feel it constantly and has made himself sick crying over it more than once. But in the interpersonal "we are two people" sense he's learning how to function without always having Jasdero around and has occasionally even been grateful for Jasdero's social absence. These two senses are absolutely separate things.
I COULD ALMOST END THE ESSAY HERE, but that wouldn't be any fun! This is really the crux of the entire thing. Devit is of two minds about almost everything. This is a function of a couple of things: he is both a human and a Noah, and he is both Devit and Jasdevi. He has a lot of conflicting feelings because of this! He hates humans but he also wants their approval. He's a part of the Earl's plans/the fight against the Exorcists but he's also not terribly interested in them. The scales tip back and forth constantly, but both of these feelings on everything are always present, they always coexist within his mind. Sometimes Devit feels more "Noah" than others. IT DEPENDS ON HIS MOOD. Feeling more Noah . . . also means feeling more Jasdevi and less Devit.
Jasdero is no different. Devit thinks of Jasdero in two different senses. Neither of these senses can ever interfere with the other. That's important! Nothing that happens between them in the "Two People" sense can ever damage the "One Person" sense, unless it was a rift huge enough that they could no longer--be Jasdevi, which I'm not sure is even possible (in other words, they are so conflicted that the Jasdevi body literally cannot hold itself together for some reason). They can always bicker or hide things from one another or whatever else, but none of that can ever make them into two separate Noahs as opposed to one.
SO, ABOUT THOSE TWO SENSES.
I. We Are One
Devit + Jasdero are one Noah and one being, full stop. They're not complete without each other. Their bond can never be broken. I'm not convinced that they would survive it if it were. I know that if Jasdero died, Devit would commit suicide immediately. He could survive Jasdero leaving camp, but only because of those initial three weeks before we got a Jasdero in. If it hadn't worked out that way he probably would have attempted suicide if Jasdero ever left, too. They need one another.
Jasdero is always and absolutely the most important thing to Devit, no matter what, in this sense. People can't come between them! The Bonds are too strong for that. It's an emotional thing and a mental thing and a physical thing. They can't use their powers when they're apart, of course, and equally importantly, they're just . . . not complete! IN THIS SENSE, Devit is not a BEING in and of himself. He can't read Jasdero's mind, but he can "feel" Jasdero, and in every instant he knows whether he's around or not. Not having Jasdero makes him feel sick and manic and depressed and empty all at once. In camp he was a bit more unhinged and easily frustrated before Jasdero got here! Because when he's alone, and I mean this in an "alone in camp" sense and not an "alone for half an hour while Jasdero is asleep" sense, he knows that he's incomplete, he can feel the powerlessness and loneliness and emptiness inside himself and it makes him want to cry and hurt things. :(
In this sense, Devit and Jasdero are equal, and Devit looks upon and treats Jasdero as an equal. He never ever thinks of himself as like "the dominant half of Jasdevi" even though I think it's true to an extent (Jasdevi acts more like Devit with Jasdero influence than Jasdero with Devit influence, IMO, but this is just me!). There IS no "who is stronger" or "who is going to lead this fight" or anything, they're equal halves and Jasdero is as important to Devit as Devit is to himself.
When Devit uses "we" a lot in a thread, he is in this mode. WE are going to kill you. WE own you, you're OUR prey, WE are awesome, WE are powerful, WE make the best things ever, WE don't like you, WE want you to be ours. He's referring to Jasdevi as one being--which they are! Even if it's a decision Devit's made himself, if it's a more NOAH-ISH type of feeling, or if it has something to do with fighting or their powers? It applies to Jasdevi as a whole, even if Jasdero doesn't know about it yet, because they're ONE and of COURSE Jasdero agrees, there's no disagreeing, they're one Noah and if one of them wants prey then both of them want prey.
AN EASY WAY TO TELL WHEN DEVIT IS HAVING CONFUSING FEELINGS is when he slips up in the middle of a comment. Jasdevi is taking your slave from you because we only accept the best slaves and I want him. . . . Whoops! Sometimes he will catch that and sometimes he won't. But it always means that he is edging out of Jasdevi territory and into Devit territory, whether or not he means to or wants anyone to know it (PROTIP: HE DOESN'T).
Why the conflict--why would it ever come up at all? Because Devit is of two minds about everything, and they're not . . . only Jasdevi. They're also Devit and Jasdero, which gets complicated.
II. We Are Two
Like I said, nothing can ever interfere with the fact that they're the Bonds and are the most important thing to one another, and nothing can ever come between them. They're not ever going to get LESS JASDEVI. If Jasdero leaves camp, Devit is still going to feel empty and sick and powerless and crazydepressed, no matter what happens between them, because it's physical, it's in his soul and his mind.
But obviously, they're also two people, and they're not the same two people. They have a lot in common, having been one person once upon a time, but their personalities are pretty damn discrete. They don't think alike or talk alike or look alike. So while they're ONE! PERSON! there's also this undeniable fact that they are, in a WAY, just two people who hang out together constantly both by choice and necessity.
Necessity first: I said that the One Person/Two Person things can never interfere with each other, and that's true, but they do affect each other in some ways. Most importantly, the fact that they're bonded the way they are means that they can never really choose to leave one another. And that's a hell of a safety net. Neither of them ever really has to worry about being OMG ALONE because they never, ever will be! They'll always have each other. This has had a huge effect on how they interact socially, like I've mentioned before. When you have absolutely unconditional love and companionship to fall back on, you can fool yourself into thinking you don't need anyone else, which makes it easy to dig yourself into a social hole of I'M GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND FUCK YOU, I HAVE JASDERO, WHO NEEDS YOU? This has been going on between the two of them for . . . ever.
Is it true? No, it's not. And Devit is beginning to realize this, in this Two-Person sense. In the One-Person sense he's very resistant to this idea. JASDEVI ONLY NEEDS JASDEVI, period. But yes, he was in camp alone for three weeks, and although the Bond itself hasn't changed in the slightest and never will . . . he had to survive those three weeks and "live half a life," as Ticky put it. With a lot of other people around and no Jasdero, for the first time in Devit's whole life. It was a new experience! And there are some obvious truths that started sort of surfacing during that time.
What Devit's realizing is that he has needs that Jasdero can't meet. I CANNOT SPEAK FOR JASDERO HERE. But I think Jasdero has fewer of those than Devit does. Jasdero's more childlike (though as she pointed out, not necessarily more immature) and he needs things like . . . comfort, company, backup, someone to confide in, someone to answer his questions, someone to play with! Devit has these same needs, but like. The way I always think of it is that both Devit and Jasdero are immature. But Jasdero is immature in a "child" way and Devit is immature in a "teenager" way. And I think this is deliberate symbolism on Hoshino's part as well. But anyway, a teenager can, to an extent, meet a child's needs, but a child cannot meet all of a teenager's needs. Devit can get comfort, company, backup, and such from Jasdero. BUT TRY TO IMAGINE, LIKE, a 16-year-old girl dishing on the phone about hot guys to a 7-year-old girl, and that's a pretty good mental image of why exactly it is that Devit's social needs are not entirely met by Jasdero. XD (On the other hand, imagine the 7-year-old talking to her 16-year-old babysitter about how much her little brother pisses her off, and it works just fine . . . it's easier for Devit to meet Jasdero's needs than for Jasdero to meet Devit's.)
And the DOUBLE WHAMMY is this: Devit and Jasdero are BOTH too similar AND too different to really be "buddies." They're very similar in that, well, they're the same Noah! They feel the same urges wrt the Bonds, they have a lot of the same complexes, they've been TOGETHER FOREVAR so they have a wealth of shared experience. They think in the same way sometimes. So sure they have a lot to discuss, but there are also certain types of interaction that you can only get from someone who isn't just like you. Learning about another person is extremely gratifying! And on the other hand, the aspects of Devit and Jasdero that ARE different are TOO different to lend itself to that kind of thing either. They operate on different mental levels in a really basic sense. I think that space that exists between "too similar" and "too different" is the space that "friends" occupy, and that's why Devit and Jasdero aren't really . . . "friends." And Devit wants friends.
All of that isn't to say that Devit doesn't enjoy Jasdero's company. On the contrary! He needs Jasdero's company. Jasdero is like this safe haven of unconditional comfort and love that Devit wouldn't give up for anything in the world, and I mean this even in the Two-Person sense; even if they're not friends per se, Devit would never put a friend or lover or anything else before Jasdero, not in the long run. Would he ever sneak out of the cabin alone for an hour to talk to a friend of his and then lie about it to Jasdero? SURE. But would he ever leave CAMP with a friend and leave Jasdero behind? No. He probably wouldn't even spend the NIGHT with a friend without dragging Jasdero along.
But anyway! If they're not friends, what are they? Wellll, it's complicated, and it kind of ties into how Devit . . . IS about telling Jasdero things and forming relationships, and why he hasn't been entirely forthcoming about some of his feelings.
III. Devit's Relationships Double Standard
There are things that Devit is REALLY NOT COMFORTABLE discussing with Jasdero! First and foremost on this list: sex! I know you all like this part of the essay best!
Devit doesn't think of Jasdero in any specific way other than as "Jasdero," because there is no category that fits what they are. But in practice, from Devit's point of view, Jasdero is almost like . . . Self/Wife/Little Brother. All combined. "Wife" in a 100% chaste way, but it's there, yes. So when Devit is like "o lol hot
This can be frustrating, of course. :(
That same mindset is the reason why he's sort of hyper-protective of Jasdero when it comes to that kind of thing--and just to relationships in general, even friendships. It's why he would totally kill Haru dead if Haru ever tried to stick a hand down Jasdero's pants or something; there's this massive TRIPLE WHAMMY of "That's ME/my wife/my innocent sexless little brother you're fucking around with, DIE!" He wants to shelter and protect Jasdero because that's how things should be, Jasdevi should take care of each other, but mostly Devit should take care of Jasdero. That includes sheltering Jasdero from Devit, from his complicated feelings and betrayaaaaaaaallll (even though no real betrayal has occurred).
Devit doesn't apply the same standards to himself, though. Earlier I said that in the One-Person sense, he considers himself and Jasdero to be absolutely equal. In the Two-Person sense, though, he's well aware that he's more socially and sexually evolved, sometimes annoyingly so! He doesn't feel like he needs to be taken care of or worried about relationship-wise, and his occasional feelings of "I'M BETRAYING JASDERO" are just that--occasional. They tend to come up only in conversation WITH Jasdero or else when someone is throwing them in his face (HI YUUKO). If he's off dicking around with someone he likes, he tends not to stop and go "Is this really okay?" Of COURSE it's okay, because they're Jasdevi, but he's Devit and he's having fun and he needs it! But if it's Jasdero doing the same, Devit is . . . it's not that he's jealous, but he wants to know. It's only right that he know! Because Jasdero needs his protection. :/ And then if Jasdero wants to know why they're not killing Mika yet, w-well uhhhhh, well, it's, don't WORRY about it Jasdero, we will eventually, you don't need to know every little thing, I'm just not in the MOOD . . .
Yeah, it makes him guilty sometimes, depending on his mood. It also makes him a little bit paranoid about certain things, specifically combining into Jasdevi. THIS IS MY HEADCANON, Jasdero may disagree! But because the twins share a mind as Jasdevi, my assumption is that doing the combination thing results in a sort of . . . reset of the equality of the Bonds. Not that Devit's feelings will lessen or go away after they combine and split again, but that Jasdero will have been exposed to all of them in that time, and Devit will have felt all of Jasdero's feelings, and it's a total loss of privacy but it also strengthens the bond again because there can be no hiding from one another at that point. Right now Devit is both terrified of this and desperate to do it. Desperate because it'll be a load of stress off his back to have Jasdero see his feelings without him actually having to broach weird subjects. And terrified because some of these feelings are secret and/or blatantly sexual and he doesn't want to deal with that.
IT'S COMPLICATED.
That's it, that's the whole essay right there. "IT'S COMPLICATED." I should have just said that and been done with it, god. T^T
QUESTIONS/COMMENTS/MAKE ME ESSAY MOAR?!
~omake~
<Devit> Mika and I were saying that Shigure should teach him
<Shigure> ... Jasdero?
<Devit> Yes 8D
<Shigure> ... he'd find EDUCATIONAL videos for him
<Shigure> "SO THIS IS PUBERTY"
<Devit> God it needs to happen somehow in camp s-so awful
<Devit> HAHAHAH
<Devit> It's horrible because like
<Devit> ONCE HE DID LEARN, okay
<Devit> He would be totally inappropriate about it
<Devit> because he doesn't know better
<Shigure> ...
<Devit> "Hey Jasdero I'll be back in five" "OH DEVIT ARE YOU GOING TO GET OFF"
* Shigure goes dig around youtube
<Devit> "OH MY GOD SHUT UP"
* Devit 's liiiiiife
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[STALKS YOUR ESSAAAAAAAAAAYS]
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♥
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1. Yeah, I agree, they could die separately, but y-yeah they would not SURVIVE that. XD I don't think. Devit for one just . . . would not want to go on living, at all.
2. Hmmm IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT I MEANT by the Jasdevi body thing . . . lemme see. Like, I was wondering about what would happen if they REALLY DISAGREED ON SOMETHING. Like killing someone, if for example Jasdero absolutely did not want to and refused to do it, and Devit really really wanted to, and then they combined--it would be a question of which impulse could seize the combined body. And if it were a stalemate, would they be able to maintain the form? Not so much the bond BREAKING because I agree that that's like, NOT POSSIBLE unless it involves Innocence Rape or something (thx Allen). They would still be the Bonds. But if they tried to combine while they were fighting, could they even function?
HOWEVER this is a moot point because I don't think it's possible for them to ever disagree that much. XD Like you said, there are like, safety measures in place . . . to form that kind of rift would require one of them putting something else before the other, and that is a Never Happen sort of deal.
3. I really like Jasdevi because he IS such a great combination of Devit and Jasdero. XD To me, Jasdevi reads as being sort of . . . he is like Devit in his speech and his trains of thought, mostly, but he has very very heavy Jasdero emotional influence. Jasdero is the emotionally "younger" of the two and Jasdevi also strikes me as being "younger" than Devit, he's more sadistic and unrestrained and his mannerisms are even younger, he giggles rather than laughs, etc. He's a fantastic mix of Devit's "angry teenager" and Jasdero's "innocent sadistic kid," and he ends up coming off as both and neither of the two. He's SOMETHING NEW. And I love him :( But yeah, I do see SLIGHLTLY more of Devit in him than Jasdero, and this is maybe due to the fact that throughout the volume we get a direct line into Devit's thoughts and Jasdevi's thoughts but not really Jasdero's. The thought bubbles all come from Devit iirc. XD And the mental speech patterns of Devit and Jasdevi match up pretty well. But not perfectly, because yes, he's not QUITE like either or both.
lol not done yet
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5. As for the feeling-picking-up-on thing, I can see that, definitely. They are BONDED and they know each other crazy well. And Devit knows this, and also Jasdevi are--not good liars at all! Both separate and combined, they're open books. XD It's ridiculous. So I think that all of these things sort of go towards the fact that yeah, they can read each other easily, even if they can't read minds and get EVERYTHING or even specifics, it's very easy for Devit to go like "Hey Jasdero what's up, is something wrong?" even if Jasdero is trying and failing to be sneaky about it. And vice versa :|b G-god they're so easy.
6. Hahaha, Jasdero definitely pulls his weight. He contributes something different to the dynamic, but it is a contribution and it is important. Devit REALLY NEEDS HIM because he needs someone who understands him and makes him feel useful, and Jasdero does that, among other things! They really bounce off of each other and feed this codependency lol so healthy rite. Both of them are equally important to the Bonds, definitely.
7. Y-yeah this is definitely the first time it's happened. A lot of it is due to Devit having met people on his own. The dynamic when he meets someone and when he meets someone WITH JASDERO is very different . . . if Jasdero is there, it's much more about. Hey Jasdero. Look at this guy, what do you think? As opposed to actually getting to know the person. Whereas if he's alone, he is not focusing on Jasdero, and things develop differently. So he's forming relationships that are not only immediately different, but also relationships which Jasdero has not been around to WATCH develop, which means he doesn't understand them and Devit feels very awkward about explaining them.
8. SOB IT WOULD TOTALLY HAPPEN THAT WAY ;;
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God and Jasdero would probably like bring it up at inappropriate times and make Devit make this face. Clearly he needs to be sent videos SOMEDAY.
I'M SO ESSAYED OUT for now