halfcocked | GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES

[goes warm and happy and embarrassed at once, at that, and starts tugging at another closed cabinet.

What are the locked ones?]

[stills again, solemn, and sighs. they could be several things ...]

[a spike of worry; like what? we're okay, right? mostly? are you mad at me?]

[a feeling nearly like a sigh; not right now, no.]

[I hope not. good. I love you . . .

curling in closer, both physically and mentally, comforting]

[a little more hesitantly, but still genuine--I love you too.

leaning back, apparently not interested in looking at the other things scattered in Devit's mind for the moment]

[stops pressing at the cabinets, just leaning with him, sharing his feelings of warmth.

It's not perfect but that's okay. I think that's okay. You're not perfect but I love you.]

[aloud this time, softly] I've never pretended to be perfect.

[also aloud, smiling] I know, but you're not that open about . . . stuff like needing me, needing any help, being proud . . . you keep that locked up, but I've seen it there, so . . . you know, I won't ever leave you alone. I can't do that!

[all of this with a pulsing fondness, growing stronger and more insistent as he speaks]

I'm not really in the habit of relying on people, you know--I'm used to doing everything myself.

[a little bemused by that, but allowing it, accepting it, not trying to pull away]

I know! But now you've got me, and we're getting married--

[a surge of strong pleasure in this, almost overwhelming and nearly sexual in nature, married, we'll be married!]

[blinks, taken aback by the force of that; there are little flutters of apprehension that are pretty much unnoticed by Hakuren himself]

You--you want to, right--

[a flash of worry from himself, followed up by a brief image of the ceremony and some squirming embarrassment and nervousness, everyone looking at me, what if they laugh, it's not funny, I have to say romantic shit out loud to everyone, but when he gets beyond the ceremony itself, his feelings are soft and pleased]

... I do, yes.

[there is some minor apprehension on his part, though it's less because of the ceremony itself, and a vague fleeting wistfulness that he doesn't appear to be conscious of himself, I wish my mother could come]

Oh . . .

[the thought is automatic: we'll save her!]

"We" ... ?

[a little bemused, and more than a little surprised at that]

Yeah! [he obviously hadn't really thought of it before, not out of not caring, but just because the idea hadn't occurred to him; now that it has, his head floods with imaginative, half-formed retellings of Saving Hakuren's Mom, though as silly as many of them are (ninjas may be involved), there's a real drive to accomplish it behind them.]

I want to help! I want to get her back for you! [to make you happy!]

[smiles a little, sort of helplessly; he's pleased and touched sort of in spite of himself at the earnestness of the offer] You'd really do that, huh ... ?

Sure I would. We would. Of all the things I can give you . . . that'd be the greatest gift, right? Something better than--hrk!

[a moment of panic, and suddenly a door in his mind slams shut; after a moment's thought, so does a second one]

[raising an eyebrow at that]

You can't see your Christmas present, Hakuren!! [pretty much entirely innocent there, though whatever the second thing was, it's intensely embarrassing to him; a part of him clearly wants to tell Hakuren, but is too embarrassed]

Ah, I see. [relaxing a little--but catching the thread for the last, and briefly curious] What about the other thing?

[a flush of deep embarrassment, again wrestling with himself: tell him, you tell him everything, he won't care, who else can you talk to, but it's embarrassing, it's weird, right, what if he gets freaked out, I feel freaked out myself]

Uh . . .

[reaching to take his hands gently, lacing their fingers together; I won't laugh, I promise I'll listen, whatever it is.]

[there's an almost palpable rush of pleased embarrassment at that: he's always so nice . . . I love you . . .

then he relaxes enough to crack open the door and share: sometimes I want to catch the girl thing on purpose so I can wear girl clothes . . . Maora got me shoes, girl shoes . . . does she know?!]

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