Devit (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
halfcocked) wrote2009-02-02 02:26 am
halfcocked) wrote2009-02-02 02:26 am
Entry tags:
we're gonna do it alone; we're gonna do it outside
orz in the sexuality post thing I like . . . started in on Devit and then went. No this is going to be stupidly long, I should just write shit in his LJ. ACTUALLY I have been meaning to do a Sex Essay for like, a few months, and I NEVER DO IT and also no one cares but TO HELL WITH IT at this point I might as well |D having seen Dean's last night and then the srs poll today. And it's come up in crit/other essays before too. So.
Here is . . . stuff about Devit and sexuality and sex itself and the Bonds and such. I might just do this in bullet point format instead of as a REAL ESSAY because there's like, a lot of little snippets that I'm not sure I need to make coherent when it's stuff like "DEVIT LIKES SUCKING COCK" (true, but incidentally not discussed below). So . . . s-sex headcanon!? And a lot of this is like, relationship-stuff and camp development and the canon basis, but AS FOCUSED IN A PHYSICAL/SEXUAL WAY as opposed to "this is how Devit made friends."
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Handjob
⊗ In canon, before camp, Devit was not asexual, but was functionally asexual as a result of his relationship with Jasdero and general being-a-Noah-ness.
⊗ Being a Noah isn't necessarily a deterrent to sex and relationships. The Earl very obviously uses sexuality as a tool. Ticky is sent into high society to be pretty and seductive, and he's very popular there. I think Aviy's headcanon is that he's never actually had sex with any of the women he's flirted with/seduced, and I buy that as plausible, but if she said he had, I would also buy that as plausible; it can go either way. Sherril is married to a human woman. It's unclear whether or not she knows what he is, but I imagine that either way they've probably had sex (because she is either a sympathizer or needs to be fooled). That isn't to say that he cares for her or anything. I'm just saying that the Noah family doesn't sexually segregate itself from humanity.
⊗ BUT things were different for Devit. Of all the Noah we've seen (except Skinn, who was pretty much unable to function as anything but a weapon), Jasdevi is the least able to deal with humans. They make it pretty clear that they've had a bad experience or experiences and have trigger buttons related to being called monsters and so on. So while Ticky goes off to balls to play friendly and Sherril is married and Rhode plays with humans and goes out sometimes and possibly goes to school (I'm not sure if she has tutors or a school and if the tutors are human or not), Jasdevi . . . just doesn't get on with humanity, possibly not for lack of trying.
⊗ Also there's the whole issue of "We're Jasdevi, we're the Bonds and we only need one another." That is how Devit used to think. And to an extent it's how he still thinks. The Noah voice inside of him hasn't changed. Rather than thinking he's finally come to understand the beauty of outside relationships or whatever, Devit kind of thinks something's wrong with him. IN THE DRESSING ROOM where he meets multiples of himself and of Jasdevi, Devit privately thinks of himself as the "messed up" Devit, the one who needs more than the Bonds can give him even though he's not supposed to.
⊗ That's always been true, though, although he doesn't understand that consciously; Devit in the manga is very obviously desperate for acceptance outside of Jasdero. He's obsessive about his image (anger at being called a monster, anger at being called a failure, anger at being called a child, anger directed at Jasdero for telling the truth when it makes Devit look bad in front of someone), and when people are obsessive about how others see them it's because they care and want to be seen positively. In short, Devit wants to be liked. Even by people he doesn't like himself. He wants acceptance and positive feedback. It's not enough that Jasdero loves him; he can't turn a blind eye to the rest of the world and be fulfilled by only Jasdero's acceptance.
⊗ So, Devit wants affection and acceptance from people who aren't Jasdero, but being the Bonds, he feels like he shouldn't. Moreover, at home it was impossible because he is the Bonds. The only real option for a fling was . . . humans, and he hates humans, and Jasdero is always with him, and Jasdero is--Jasdero. He's not wired that way. Not only is he not really HORMONALLY AWARE, he's also not as desperate for outside attention as Devit is (he does not get as angry as Devit does, he is more willing to own up to mistakes and make himself look foolish and act as an inferior to others).
⊗ LONG STORY SHORT: Devit is not going to bang in front of Jasdero, and he's not going to tell Jasdero he wants to go bang, and even if he did he'd have no BANGING OPTIONS, and even if he DID he'd . . . be socially incapable of uh, securing the goods. THIS IS WHY I AM ADAMANT THAT HE IS A VIRGIN. XD
⊗ HOWEVER, this does not mean he doesn't want it or was not sexually aware himself. Like I said, being a Noah doesn't mean not being sexual, and Devit likes positive outside attention. And he was aware. I mentioned it in a crit post once, I think: Devit shows every sign of understanding sex in canon because he uses it as a weapon. He both accuses people of hitting on him (as Jasdevi, and there's a hint of it directed at Cross in the anime too) and threatens to rape someone as a means of dominating her. And this can be read in differently, equally valid ways, but PERSONALLY I don't read those as the actions of someone who doesn't understand sex or why people have sex. The "You pervert/pedophile!" as directed at Crowley didn't read to me as an . . . actual misunderstanding that Crowley was going to rape him, but more of a childish means of annoying him. XD And when it comes to the use of rape as humiliation/powerplay, I don't think of rape as a threat that someone would make if they didn't understand the difference between it and normal sex. It isn't just "having sex is an icky adult thing so I'm going to do something icky to you nyahaha that'll teach you!" It goes much deeper than that and it's not a childish threat, and I think it's significant that Devit is the one who makes it and Jasdero doesn't show any sign of hearing/understanding it.
⊗ Devit, I think, understood sex and its workings and that it felt good, and had the normal teenage boy reactions and desires (in the manga he's deliberately presented as being very much A TEENAGE BOY in many typical ways). BUT he was and is not sexually attracted to Jasdero. And . . . that's me, I guess. I know a lot of fandom likes to read and write about them banging. But that's just not how I see the relationship. It codes as very platonic to me because yeah they touch a lot and hang all over each other and they obviously love each other very deeply, in a perfect, ideal, untouchable way that comes from being ONE BEING in a sense. But there's never any hint of desire--just of comfortableness. They hang all over each other because the split in their identities and bodily boundaries is kind of fucked up, not because they want each other; I think if they did want each other they'd be less obvious about their weird touching and positioning because HEY, they'd be getting aroused in public and lol no. And Devit never shows concern for Jasdero's looks or body in any sense. Just because Devit does not see Jasdero as a sexual being or object of desire doesn't mean that Jasdero doesn't have an effect on Devit's sexuality, BUT I WILL COME BACK TO THAT.
⊗ Anyway--because Devit wasn't sexually attracted to Jasdero, he believed that he wasn't supposed to have sex. The Bonds are supposed to provide Devit with everything he needs. So, according to DEVIT LOGIC, if he were supposed to be fucking someone, he WOULD want to bang Jasdero, and they'd bang! But he doesn't! So they don't! IT IS LOGICAL. |D So back home, Devit was "asexual," by which I mean he was Bonds-centric and had no opportunity to experiment and didn't think he should anyway, but yes he always did have hormones and yes he did have an understanding of sex and yeah he probably looked up dirty words in the dictionary and giggled to himself sometimes, and Jasdero was like "Devi what's so funny" and Devit was like HA HA NOTHING! And then he'd want to jerk off and Jasdero would be like DEVIT LET'S TAKE A BATH TOGETHER and Devit would cry a little inside and try to sneak off first and man Devit's life is so much pain.
⊗ IT TOOK CAMP TO CHANGE THIS. Devit was always sexually aware and had hormones and wanted affection, he just never acted on it and did his best to repress it, for Jasdero's sake and for lack of anything to act upon.
⊗ As a side-note here, I don't think Devit would have been able to rape Rinali if he had actually tried, nor do I think he'd be capable of raping anyone. Not because he's NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON, but because I'm pretty damn sure he'd be really awkward and confused and inept at it, and get frustrated with his inability toget it up exert power over the other person/impress them/frighten them, and he would end up just killing them in his anger before he even got in, or else bursting into tears. SO. YEAH.
⊗ Back to camp, sob. In camp, when Devit arrived, Jasdero was not here, and Devit needed to find acceptance and company elsewhere because he was devastatingly lonely and empty and halved without Jasdero around. He didn't want to, but he kinda needed to to stay sane, and he was advised to by people he talked to (including Ticky). He didn't set out to do this sexually or romantically! It didn't really occur to him. But it just so happened that some of the friends he made were very physically affectionate and demonstrative, and Devit . . . didn't dislike that, because he likes contact and hanging all over people if he trusts them (since this is what he gets with Jasdero), and because those latent hormones were still THERE, and Jasdero wasn't around to, well, interfere. Likewise, people like Mika liked him and were attracted to him despite his social failings. So he was getting the attention he wanted and was not being cockblocked by his own inability to deal with people.
⊗ So for the first time in his life, Devit was actually in a position to get laid, if camp allowed that. :( It doesn't, but it definitely awakened him to the possibility and the desire. And when Jasdero showed up after a month . . . there was no way to take that back. There was no way to just say "OH OKAY JASDERO'S HERE, I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN ORGASMING ANYMORE." Devit wished there was, but his hormones had been . . . not awakened (they were already awake), but indulged, for the first time in his life. He'd been attracted to people and hit on and molested some and he'd had his own bed and showers a-and yeah. Those things didn't supply a substitute for Jasdero, but they supplied a peek into something he'd never been able to indulge in before, and Devit is too weak a person and too focused on good feelings and positive attention to be able to go "WELL, THAT WAS NICE, NOW BACK TO NEVER TALKING TO OR TOUCHING ANYONE AGAIN."
⊗ And that is how Devit went from "kinda asexual and Bonds-centric" in canon to "gay" in camp.
Cock: A Love Story
⊗ When it comes to Devit's actual sexual leanings, WELL. He's gay, almost exclusively, the exception being Magical AUniverse Genderswitch Sex which fits much more into the next section than into his real sexuality, so I'll go into it then.
⊗ In canon . . . I mentioned that he's functionally asexual in that he never has had or pursued sex, but that he did have hormones and yeah, he did have an identity, and it was/is homosexual. For one thing, there's his canon line when he threatens to rape Rinali (and the wording of it is usually translated out, but literally it is this): "I'll rape you even though you're a woman." And this is meant to mean that he won't go easy on her just because she's female and he's male, like "I EVEN HIT GIRLS LOLOL." But I don't think it's possible to ignore the fact that . . . he's threatening rape. And qualifying it that way. As if he would rape a man too and even more willingly. lol.
⊗ Also, there's just--okay, I really hate doing the whole "he looks/acts gay" thing. I feel guilty whenever I do it because it's stereotyping and wrong and bad. BUT IT'S THERE, and it's Japan, and while Devit is in some ways really typical angry teenage macho boy, he's also in some ways stereotypically feminine: he cries a lot, he wears makeup (not just scary black punk makeup but pretty things like lip gloss too), he is fussy about clothes, and his "ideal body" that he shares with Jasdero is not a big strong man but almost indistinguishable from a beautiful lipstick-wearing woman.
⊗ SO I'M GOING TO SAY IT. BOY LOOKS/ACTS GAY. :( He tries very hard to be macho and manly but he does it in ways that COME OFF WRONG, like . . . making himself look mean and scary with PRETTY MAKEUP, and talking about fucking women while qualifying it with "EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A WOMAN." His methods of intimidation and manliness are gayly trying too hard. o Devit.
⊗ More importantly, though, there's just the way he treats Rinali as opposed to the male Exorcists and Chaozii (who is not yet an Exorcist in that scene). He captures Rinali to use her as a tool in the fight with Allen, and he has no interest in her beyond that; he even tells her so. He doesn't take her as seriously as he takes the men. Allen does nothing to him other than be associated with Cross and Devit fights him, and Crowley calls him a child and comes after him and Devit fights him, but Rinali seriously schools Devit, calling him a little kid and pointing out how much stronger Allen is and generally being insulting and interfering with him, and Devit . . . pistol-whips her (it's not shown) and sneers at her and that's it. He gets angry, but in a cooler, in-control way, as opposed to how insane he goes on Allen and Crowley for minor offenses. And he stereotypes her as a "Princess" and uses her as bait and just blows off everything she says. He doesn't go after Chaozii who is also helpless to fight back and is also a friend of Allen's, but is male.
⊗ THE POINT IS. RINALI IS AN OBJECT TO DEVIT, even more than humans usually are, because she's a woman. Not a sexual object, but an object to use against the men whose opinions really matter to Devit. Devit's world is pretty male-dominated. He just doesn't pay as much attention to women or care about them. He doesn't understand them. Even more than his lolgloss and gay leather pants, I think this is what makes me define Devit sexually; I can't imagine him ever affording a woman enough attention or respect to become attracted to her. They're not as much. People! To him. He is MANLY AND COOL and he doesn't have much interest in what a stupid girl has to say because guys don't care about that stuff! It's what guys think and do that matters! Women are confusing and boring! And so on. He's that kind of guy. XD
⊗ And Devit's sexuality is really tied up with actual affection as opposed to just getting his rocks off, so female bodies don't interest him because female personalities don't interest him. Devit still reacts to female bodies in a strongly sexual context. He would probably get aroused by video lesbian porn because it's sex and it's hot. He reacted to Chizu-nee once when she whispered some dirty suggestions in his ear, and if she molested him or something, he would get aroused. He reacts to Hakuren when Hakuren is female because it's still Hakuren with a male personality. But in daily life he doesn't look at women and think they're attractive, he doesn't fantasize about them, and so on, because they're women and he's not interested in them as companions and so he's not interested in them as sex partners either. While women can get his attention as friends, it's a lot more difficult; it takes a lot longer for Devit to remember their existence or nickname them. And now he has a boyfriend so whether or not he could become sexually attracted to a close female friend is a moot point anyway.
⊗ Devit kept his homosexuality a secret for a long time because he sees it as an opening, really. He doesn't think it's wrong to be gay (IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE HE DOESN'T REALLY HOLD TO BIBLICAL MORALS!). But he sees it as "something I will be made fun of for by the other guys, the ones whose acceptance I want." And he uses it in a negative context, because he puts such priority on BEING MACHO, and to him being "gay" is being like a girl. He has no moral issues with sucking cock but when he hears that Hakuren's favorite food is flowers (which they eat in 07-Ghost) he thinks "THAT'S GAY." XD Other things that are gay include talking about feelings, crying, Ticky's butterflies, rainbows, the color pink, and so on. It's a label he slaps on anything that's "not manly." And to Devit, "not manly" is a bad thing, even though actual homosexuality is not. He really does think that sucking a dick would be less gay than wearing a pink shirt with a sparkly butterfly on the front. And he DOES and ENJOYS some things that are "gay," like talking FEELINGS to Hakuren and painting his nails and so on, and so he was sensitive about coming out, not because he didn't want people to know he liked cock, but because he didn't want people to think he was GIRLY.
⊗ At this point he will awkwardly admit to it if asked, most of the time, because it's decently well-known that he has a boyfriend, and he knows it would come back to bite him if he told someone he was straight and then Hakuren told them they were together.
Devit the Half-a-Bee, I Love Him Carnally
⊗ I mentioned up there that "Devit's sexuality is really tied up with actual affection as opposed to just getting his rocks off." I know not everyone plays him this way. It's easy to see Devit as the kind of guy who would just use someone for his sexual pleasure without caring about them. HE DOES THAT IN OTHER ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE, such as killing people. And I wouldn't call anyone OOC for playing him that way; different interpretations are different interpretations. But that's not how it works with my Devit for various reasons.
⊗ Devit's bodily boundaries, his sense of what separates him physically from the world, are a bit fucked up. He's half of a being. He literally merges his body with Jasdero's into one body at times. He may have originally been residing in one body with Jasdero; we don't know for sure yet. But either way, he's not a normal guy in that sense. Jasdero is his other half, the person he loves and needs most in the world, the one who makes him complete, and they . . . hang on each other and touch and cross boundaries a lot (chastely, as I mentioned) and then sometimes they ~BECOME ONE~ and it feels very good and makes them whole.
⊗ So Devit has this . . . thing about "becoming one" with someone. To him it's KIND OF SERIOUS. It's not something he would do with just anyone. Because physically merging bodies is a literal thing for him, and it's a big deal, it's something he does with Jasdero because they are the Bonds and they complete each other. I can't see him affording someone the same privilege if he had no attachment to them. Wanting to be so close to someone that you are one with them is a side effect for Devit of really, really liking them. It's a symbol of a bond and a means of togetherness because that's what it is when he does it more literally with Jasdero, and it's hard for Devit to separate the concepts. Because Jasdero is so very important to Devit, he's not going to let one-night-stands have the same access to his body. When Devit likes someone a whole lot, he . . . has the desire to take them into himself, or go into them. IN THAT ONE CFUW KILL GAME, the one where Ticky threatened to break Hakuren's mind and Devit was helpless to stop it, for an instant he came close to suggesting that Hakuren just hide by entering Devit's body, having forgotten that this isn't something most people can do. XD HIS PHYSICALITY IS A LITTLE BIT FUCKED.
⊗ Anyway. Yeah. Sex is the normal expression of this feeling. It's how Devit can "merge" with someone who isn't Jasdero and complete himself using that person, or as close as he can get to it. That's why he's not really into whoring around; it would be meaningless and sort of make him feel dirty with anyone he didn't really like, because he is half of a being and he doesn't want to complete himself with SOME SKANK HE MET IN A CLUB. ;o; It's also why Devit really really likes sex (or uh will once he gets around to it sob fuck you camp). It's physical and strenuous and mindless and feels good and gives him power over someone else and makes them feel good (positive feedback), which is all stuff Devit enjoys, and it's the joining and blending of two bodies and blurring the boundaries between them, which he also enjoys and which has special meaning for him as half of the Bonds and half of one body. He gets a big rush out of skin contact and feeling someone else's heart beat and synchronizing with them in a sense. So while he has normal physical reactions to things like porn, people coming on to him, etc., it would bother him to actually have sex with someone casually.
⊗ . . . Also he associates whores with people like Cross and
AND THAT IS THAT. I didn't go into like. His kinks or what he's like in bed or anything. Because you can just yeah. BUT IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS, WELL, YOU KNOW. \o/
Here is . . . stuff about Devit and sexuality and sex itself and the Bonds and such. I might just do this in bullet point format instead of as a REAL ESSAY because there's like, a lot of little snippets that I'm not sure I need to make coherent when it's stuff like "DEVIT LIKES SUCKING COCK" (true, but incidentally not discussed below). So . . . s-sex headcanon!? And a lot of this is like, relationship-stuff and camp development and the canon basis, but AS FOCUSED IN A PHYSICAL/SEXUAL WAY as opposed to "this is how Devit made friends."
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Handjob
⊗ In canon, before camp, Devit was not asexual, but was functionally asexual as a result of his relationship with Jasdero and general being-a-Noah-ness.
⊗ Being a Noah isn't necessarily a deterrent to sex and relationships. The Earl very obviously uses sexuality as a tool. Ticky is sent into high society to be pretty and seductive, and he's very popular there. I think Aviy's headcanon is that he's never actually had sex with any of the women he's flirted with/seduced, and I buy that as plausible, but if she said he had, I would also buy that as plausible; it can go either way. Sherril is married to a human woman. It's unclear whether or not she knows what he is, but I imagine that either way they've probably had sex (because she is either a sympathizer or needs to be fooled). That isn't to say that he cares for her or anything. I'm just saying that the Noah family doesn't sexually segregate itself from humanity.
⊗ BUT things were different for Devit. Of all the Noah we've seen (except Skinn, who was pretty much unable to function as anything but a weapon), Jasdevi is the least able to deal with humans. They make it pretty clear that they've had a bad experience or experiences and have trigger buttons related to being called monsters and so on. So while Ticky goes off to balls to play friendly and Sherril is married and Rhode plays with humans and goes out sometimes and possibly goes to school (I'm not sure if she has tutors or a school and if the tutors are human or not), Jasdevi . . . just doesn't get on with humanity, possibly not for lack of trying.
⊗ Also there's the whole issue of "We're Jasdevi, we're the Bonds and we only need one another." That is how Devit used to think. And to an extent it's how he still thinks. The Noah voice inside of him hasn't changed. Rather than thinking he's finally come to understand the beauty of outside relationships or whatever, Devit kind of thinks something's wrong with him. IN THE DRESSING ROOM where he meets multiples of himself and of Jasdevi, Devit privately thinks of himself as the "messed up" Devit, the one who needs more than the Bonds can give him even though he's not supposed to.
⊗ That's always been true, though, although he doesn't understand that consciously; Devit in the manga is very obviously desperate for acceptance outside of Jasdero. He's obsessive about his image (anger at being called a monster, anger at being called a failure, anger at being called a child, anger directed at Jasdero for telling the truth when it makes Devit look bad in front of someone), and when people are obsessive about how others see them it's because they care and want to be seen positively. In short, Devit wants to be liked. Even by people he doesn't like himself. He wants acceptance and positive feedback. It's not enough that Jasdero loves him; he can't turn a blind eye to the rest of the world and be fulfilled by only Jasdero's acceptance.
⊗ So, Devit wants affection and acceptance from people who aren't Jasdero, but being the Bonds, he feels like he shouldn't. Moreover, at home it was impossible because he is the Bonds. The only real option for a fling was . . . humans, and he hates humans, and Jasdero is always with him, and Jasdero is--Jasdero. He's not wired that way. Not only is he not really HORMONALLY AWARE, he's also not as desperate for outside attention as Devit is (he does not get as angry as Devit does, he is more willing to own up to mistakes and make himself look foolish and act as an inferior to others).
⊗ LONG STORY SHORT: Devit is not going to bang in front of Jasdero, and he's not going to tell Jasdero he wants to go bang, and even if he did he'd have no BANGING OPTIONS, and even if he DID he'd . . . be socially incapable of uh, securing the goods. THIS IS WHY I AM ADAMANT THAT HE IS A VIRGIN. XD
⊗ HOWEVER, this does not mean he doesn't want it or was not sexually aware himself. Like I said, being a Noah doesn't mean not being sexual, and Devit likes positive outside attention. And he was aware. I mentioned it in a crit post once, I think: Devit shows every sign of understanding sex in canon because he uses it as a weapon. He both accuses people of hitting on him (as Jasdevi, and there's a hint of it directed at Cross in the anime too) and threatens to rape someone as a means of dominating her. And this can be read in differently, equally valid ways, but PERSONALLY I don't read those as the actions of someone who doesn't understand sex or why people have sex. The "You pervert/pedophile!" as directed at Crowley didn't read to me as an . . . actual misunderstanding that Crowley was going to rape him, but more of a childish means of annoying him. XD And when it comes to the use of rape as humiliation/powerplay, I don't think of rape as a threat that someone would make if they didn't understand the difference between it and normal sex. It isn't just "having sex is an icky adult thing so I'm going to do something icky to you nyahaha that'll teach you!" It goes much deeper than that and it's not a childish threat, and I think it's significant that Devit is the one who makes it and Jasdero doesn't show any sign of hearing/understanding it.
⊗ Devit, I think, understood sex and its workings and that it felt good, and had the normal teenage boy reactions and desires (in the manga he's deliberately presented as being very much A TEENAGE BOY in many typical ways). BUT he was and is not sexually attracted to Jasdero. And . . . that's me, I guess. I know a lot of fandom likes to read and write about them banging. But that's just not how I see the relationship. It codes as very platonic to me because yeah they touch a lot and hang all over each other and they obviously love each other very deeply, in a perfect, ideal, untouchable way that comes from being ONE BEING in a sense. But there's never any hint of desire--just of comfortableness. They hang all over each other because the split in their identities and bodily boundaries is kind of fucked up, not because they want each other; I think if they did want each other they'd be less obvious about their weird touching and positioning because HEY, they'd be getting aroused in public and lol no. And Devit never shows concern for Jasdero's looks or body in any sense. Just because Devit does not see Jasdero as a sexual being or object of desire doesn't mean that Jasdero doesn't have an effect on Devit's sexuality, BUT I WILL COME BACK TO THAT.
⊗ Anyway--because Devit wasn't sexually attracted to Jasdero, he believed that he wasn't supposed to have sex. The Bonds are supposed to provide Devit with everything he needs. So, according to DEVIT LOGIC, if he were supposed to be fucking someone, he WOULD want to bang Jasdero, and they'd bang! But he doesn't! So they don't! IT IS LOGICAL. |D So back home, Devit was "asexual," by which I mean he was Bonds-centric and had no opportunity to experiment and didn't think he should anyway, but yes he always did have hormones and yes he did have an understanding of sex and yeah he probably looked up dirty words in the dictionary and giggled to himself sometimes, and Jasdero was like "Devi what's so funny" and Devit was like HA HA NOTHING! And then he'd want to jerk off and Jasdero would be like DEVIT LET'S TAKE A BATH TOGETHER and Devit would cry a little inside and try to sneak off first and man Devit's life is so much pain.
⊗ IT TOOK CAMP TO CHANGE THIS. Devit was always sexually aware and had hormones and wanted affection, he just never acted on it and did his best to repress it, for Jasdero's sake and for lack of anything to act upon.
⊗ As a side-note here, I don't think Devit would have been able to rape Rinali if he had actually tried, nor do I think he'd be capable of raping anyone. Not because he's NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON, but because I'm pretty damn sure he'd be really awkward and confused and inept at it, and get frustrated with his inability to
⊗ Back to camp, sob. In camp, when Devit arrived, Jasdero was not here, and Devit needed to find acceptance and company elsewhere because he was devastatingly lonely and empty and halved without Jasdero around. He didn't want to, but he kinda needed to to stay sane, and he was advised to by people he talked to (including Ticky). He didn't set out to do this sexually or romantically! It didn't really occur to him. But it just so happened that some of the friends he made were very physically affectionate and demonstrative, and Devit . . . didn't dislike that, because he likes contact and hanging all over people if he trusts them (since this is what he gets with Jasdero), and because those latent hormones were still THERE, and Jasdero wasn't around to, well, interfere. Likewise, people like Mika liked him and were attracted to him despite his social failings. So he was getting the attention he wanted and was not being cockblocked by his own inability to deal with people.
⊗ So for the first time in his life, Devit was actually in a position to get laid, if camp allowed that. :( It doesn't, but it definitely awakened him to the possibility and the desire. And when Jasdero showed up after a month . . . there was no way to take that back. There was no way to just say "OH OKAY JASDERO'S HERE, I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN ORGASMING ANYMORE." Devit wished there was, but his hormones had been . . . not awakened (they were already awake), but indulged, for the first time in his life. He'd been attracted to people and hit on and molested some and he'd had his own bed and showers a-and yeah. Those things didn't supply a substitute for Jasdero, but they supplied a peek into something he'd never been able to indulge in before, and Devit is too weak a person and too focused on good feelings and positive attention to be able to go "WELL, THAT WAS NICE, NOW BACK TO NEVER TALKING TO OR TOUCHING ANYONE AGAIN."
⊗ And that is how Devit went from "kinda asexual and Bonds-centric" in canon to "gay" in camp.
Cock: A Love Story
⊗ When it comes to Devit's actual sexual leanings, WELL. He's gay, almost exclusively, the exception being Magical AUniverse Genderswitch Sex which fits much more into the next section than into his real sexuality, so I'll go into it then.
⊗ In canon . . . I mentioned that he's functionally asexual in that he never has had or pursued sex, but that he did have hormones and yeah, he did have an identity, and it was/is homosexual. For one thing, there's his canon line when he threatens to rape Rinali (and the wording of it is usually translated out, but literally it is this): "I'll rape you even though you're a woman." And this is meant to mean that he won't go easy on her just because she's female and he's male, like "I EVEN HIT GIRLS LOLOL." But I don't think it's possible to ignore the fact that . . . he's threatening rape. And qualifying it that way. As if he would rape a man too and even more willingly. lol.
⊗ Also, there's just--okay, I really hate doing the whole "he looks/acts gay" thing. I feel guilty whenever I do it because it's stereotyping and wrong and bad. BUT IT'S THERE, and it's Japan, and while Devit is in some ways really typical angry teenage macho boy, he's also in some ways stereotypically feminine: he cries a lot, he wears makeup (not just scary black punk makeup but pretty things like lip gloss too), he is fussy about clothes, and his "ideal body" that he shares with Jasdero is not a big strong man but almost indistinguishable from a beautiful lipstick-wearing woman.
⊗ SO I'M GOING TO SAY IT. BOY LOOKS/ACTS GAY. :( He tries very hard to be macho and manly but he does it in ways that COME OFF WRONG, like . . . making himself look mean and scary with PRETTY MAKEUP, and talking about fucking women while qualifying it with "EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A WOMAN." His methods of intimidation and manliness are gayly trying too hard. o Devit.
⊗ More importantly, though, there's just the way he treats Rinali as opposed to the male Exorcists and Chaozii (who is not yet an Exorcist in that scene). He captures Rinali to use her as a tool in the fight with Allen, and he has no interest in her beyond that; he even tells her so. He doesn't take her as seriously as he takes the men. Allen does nothing to him other than be associated with Cross and Devit fights him, and Crowley calls him a child and comes after him and Devit fights him, but Rinali seriously schools Devit, calling him a little kid and pointing out how much stronger Allen is and generally being insulting and interfering with him, and Devit . . . pistol-whips her (it's not shown) and sneers at her and that's it. He gets angry, but in a cooler, in-control way, as opposed to how insane he goes on Allen and Crowley for minor offenses. And he stereotypes her as a "Princess" and uses her as bait and just blows off everything she says. He doesn't go after Chaozii who is also helpless to fight back and is also a friend of Allen's, but is male.
⊗ THE POINT IS. RINALI IS AN OBJECT TO DEVIT, even more than humans usually are, because she's a woman. Not a sexual object, but an object to use against the men whose opinions really matter to Devit. Devit's world is pretty male-dominated. He just doesn't pay as much attention to women or care about them. He doesn't understand them. Even more than his lolgloss and gay leather pants, I think this is what makes me define Devit sexually; I can't imagine him ever affording a woman enough attention or respect to become attracted to her. They're not as much. People! To him. He is MANLY AND COOL and he doesn't have much interest in what a stupid girl has to say because guys don't care about that stuff! It's what guys think and do that matters! Women are confusing and boring! And so on. He's that kind of guy. XD
⊗ And Devit's sexuality is really tied up with actual affection as opposed to just getting his rocks off, so female bodies don't interest him because female personalities don't interest him. Devit still reacts to female bodies in a strongly sexual context. He would probably get aroused by video lesbian porn because it's sex and it's hot. He reacted to Chizu-nee once when she whispered some dirty suggestions in his ear, and if she molested him or something, he would get aroused. He reacts to Hakuren when Hakuren is female because it's still Hakuren with a male personality. But in daily life he doesn't look at women and think they're attractive, he doesn't fantasize about them, and so on, because they're women and he's not interested in them as companions and so he's not interested in them as sex partners either. While women can get his attention as friends, it's a lot more difficult; it takes a lot longer for Devit to remember their existence or nickname them. And now he has a boyfriend so whether or not he could become sexually attracted to a close female friend is a moot point anyway.
⊗ Devit kept his homosexuality a secret for a long time because he sees it as an opening, really. He doesn't think it's wrong to be gay (IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE HE DOESN'T REALLY HOLD TO BIBLICAL MORALS!). But he sees it as "something I will be made fun of for by the other guys, the ones whose acceptance I want." And he uses it in a negative context, because he puts such priority on BEING MACHO, and to him being "gay" is being like a girl. He has no moral issues with sucking cock but when he hears that Hakuren's favorite food is flowers (which they eat in 07-Ghost) he thinks "THAT'S GAY." XD Other things that are gay include talking about feelings, crying, Ticky's butterflies, rainbows, the color pink, and so on. It's a label he slaps on anything that's "not manly." And to Devit, "not manly" is a bad thing, even though actual homosexuality is not. He really does think that sucking a dick would be less gay than wearing a pink shirt with a sparkly butterfly on the front. And he DOES and ENJOYS some things that are "gay," like talking FEELINGS to Hakuren and painting his nails and so on, and so he was sensitive about coming out, not because he didn't want people to know he liked cock, but because he didn't want people to think he was GIRLY.
⊗ At this point he will awkwardly admit to it if asked, most of the time, because it's decently well-known that he has a boyfriend, and he knows it would come back to bite him if he told someone he was straight and then Hakuren told them they were together.
Devit the Half-a-Bee, I Love Him Carnally
⊗ I mentioned up there that "Devit's sexuality is really tied up with actual affection as opposed to just getting his rocks off." I know not everyone plays him this way. It's easy to see Devit as the kind of guy who would just use someone for his sexual pleasure without caring about them. HE DOES THAT IN OTHER ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE, such as killing people. And I wouldn't call anyone OOC for playing him that way; different interpretations are different interpretations. But that's not how it works with my Devit for various reasons.
⊗ Devit's bodily boundaries, his sense of what separates him physically from the world, are a bit fucked up. He's half of a being. He literally merges his body with Jasdero's into one body at times. He may have originally been residing in one body with Jasdero; we don't know for sure yet. But either way, he's not a normal guy in that sense. Jasdero is his other half, the person he loves and needs most in the world, the one who makes him complete, and they . . . hang on each other and touch and cross boundaries a lot (chastely, as I mentioned) and then sometimes they ~BECOME ONE~ and it feels very good and makes them whole.
⊗ So Devit has this . . . thing about "becoming one" with someone. To him it's KIND OF SERIOUS. It's not something he would do with just anyone. Because physically merging bodies is a literal thing for him, and it's a big deal, it's something he does with Jasdero because they are the Bonds and they complete each other. I can't see him affording someone the same privilege if he had no attachment to them. Wanting to be so close to someone that you are one with them is a side effect for Devit of really, really liking them. It's a symbol of a bond and a means of togetherness because that's what it is when he does it more literally with Jasdero, and it's hard for Devit to separate the concepts. Because Jasdero is so very important to Devit, he's not going to let one-night-stands have the same access to his body. When Devit likes someone a whole lot, he . . . has the desire to take them into himself, or go into them. IN THAT ONE CFUW KILL GAME, the one where Ticky threatened to break Hakuren's mind and Devit was helpless to stop it, for an instant he came close to suggesting that Hakuren just hide by entering Devit's body, having forgotten that this isn't something most people can do. XD HIS PHYSICALITY IS A LITTLE BIT FUCKED.
⊗ Anyway. Yeah. Sex is the normal expression of this feeling. It's how Devit can "merge" with someone who isn't Jasdero and complete himself using that person, or as close as he can get to it. That's why he's not really into whoring around; it would be meaningless and sort of make him feel dirty with anyone he didn't really like, because he is half of a being and he doesn't want to complete himself with SOME SKANK HE MET IN A CLUB. ;o; It's also why Devit really really likes sex (or uh will once he gets around to it sob fuck you camp). It's physical and strenuous and mindless and feels good and gives him power over someone else and makes them feel good (positive feedback), which is all stuff Devit enjoys, and it's the joining and blending of two bodies and blurring the boundaries between them, which he also enjoys and which has special meaning for him as half of the Bonds and half of one body. He gets a big rush out of skin contact and feeling someone else's heart beat and synchronizing with them in a sense. So while he has normal physical reactions to things like porn, people coming on to him, etc., it would bother him to actually have sex with someone casually.
⊗ . . . Also he associates whores with people like Cross and
AND THAT IS THAT. I didn't go into like. His kinks or what he's like in bed or anything. Because you can just yeah. BUT IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS, WELL, YOU KNOW. \o/
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BUT I WOULD LOVE A TOHRU ESSAY.
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/picks an icon at random . . . haha, I do like the face. Okay, it stays.
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